I had a conversation not too long ago with one of my managers. We were off running and errand an just talking and getting to know one another. As the conversation continued we finally stumbled upon the topics of making friends.
Like how do you do that? You spend all your time at work or home so when do you find the time to make new friends? She went to school in Indianapolis, Indiana and then moved back here to Charlotte, NC with her family. So this city is like a blank canvas as far as friends go for her.
Personally I feel I only made friends because I was forced to be in the same space as them for long periods of time or repeatedly. Much like how my line sister and I are so close because we spent a lot of time together trying to reach a common goal.
Or let's take a look at how I became kind of close to the people in my Public Relations course last semester. Some I already had previous encounters with via social media, but others developed a little more after that class.
For one of those people in particular the development in our relationship, in my opinion, came from us not just texting about the class project; but also texting each other about our frustrations in our job search. In turn, this turned into words of encouragement and support, which later turned into someone being brave enough to ask if the other wanted to room together as a means of surviving after graduation. Granted we didn't do it, but I was completely open to the idea of it.
But alas, graduation has since separated us as she's taken a position outside of Charlotte. So it's a bit more difficult trying to build upon a friendship that doesn't necessarily have a solid foundation, and one that was just budding.
See how life separates us? Now let's say that it's my best friend from high school or one of my sorority sisters who I've grown close to. Then I'm fine with having to make drives or take flights (when I'm financially stable) to see them, but I'd like a few people here in my own city that I feel I could hangout with as well. And maybe that just requires me adjusting a bit more to my life outside of school.
Disclaimer: Yes I have a ton of sorority sisters and I love them all to death. I'm still growing as a person and my relationships with them all vary. Something of which I'm trying to improve upon because for once I'd like to talk about something other than the sorority, but I get it. That's the THING that we have most in common, and I know in order to work on that issue it also requires me to start opening up more about myself and vice versa.
In my opinion it's just harder working on this because we see less of each other due to life happening, and us going our own ways, working full-time jobs and whatnot. Like I stated in another blog post I live a good 30 minutes from the majority of everyone I know, so it's not as easy as me driving around the corner to see you. I'm more like the "I'm in your part of town" call/text kind of girl. (inserts laughing emoji here)
After leaving school I don't feel as if you get that many opportunities. Out of my two jobs the one I would consider my big girl job I work with about 16 other people most of whom are at least in their 30's or older and have families. Within those 16 other co-workers there's only like 2-3 co-workers who are around 26/28 years old who I have some things in common with. Even still I wouldn't count them as my friends. I would label them as more acquaintances than anything.
I am however trying to build these bonds with my co-workers who are slightly younger, but how? At what point do we switch from talking in the office to exchanging phone numbers? At what point do we hang out together outside of work? Should I do the inviting or should I wait and be invited by my co-worker? I don't know. It's quite tricky because I'm an introvert and I have this bad complex with rejection so I'm pretty apprehensive about leading and doing things first. To my knowledge they themselves don't hangout outside of work. So maybe I'm just striving to have a good working relationship with everyone.
One day I'll attend that cycling class again to get my body in shape, or that ceramics sculpting class I'm so interested in exploring. Because maybe I'll find a friend there. For all I know I could be making a bigger deal out of this than need be, but oh well. Maybe what the real issue here is that I'm looking for the Issa to my Mollie (did you catch that? No? It's okay, go watch Insecure on HBO and you'll thank me later). Someone I know I can always reach out to every time and I know they're down for whatever I've got up my sleeve; cause I like to think that I'm a tad bit artsy and adventurous.
For the time being I'll just explore the relationships right in front of me, and just proceed with caution. My first few attempts this summer in doing so have been going out to dinner with another young lady - which I thoroughly enjoyed, and attending a game night, with some much needed alcohol, with boyfriends group of friends.